Endless Night
by CCisGod
Summary: A man changed irrevocably, a love blossoming beneath its surface, and a struggle between a man and a father. Will dreams come true or fade into the night?  AU/OOC. M for later chapters.
1. Teaser

**Endless Night**- Teaser Chapter!

A/N: Merry Belated-Belated X-Mas!

Things are REALLY busy and my hand still really hurts so when I get an idea or can update, so be it! But I really don't have a schedule, and I'm sorry!

Setting: somewhere around twilight. Starts pre-twilight… ends… ?... well, it's a bit OOC and AU.

So enjoy the teaser of ** Endless Night **!

"_Goddamn it Edward, just do it!"_ My own voice echoed in my head as I recalled perfectly of when I had yelled at my son in his moment of disarray.

Why had I yelled? Why did I sound so desperate? Or more importantly, why hadn't I said something earlier?

Why did _I_ care?

I now sat at my desk asking myself that same question.

Why?

Why me? I was perfectly happy. The head doctor of Forks, married to the most beautiful woman on the planet, and perfectly happy with my life.

Why now? Everything changed in one day. The day she came.

Why not before? Why not later? The day I became a changed man irrevocably.

That same day that I met Isabella Marie Swan.

A/N: If you want more, this is just a teaser! Prologue is next! Please, review and stuff, it's inspiring! Think of it as the back cover of a book if you will.

So, I WILL be updating VERY soon… if not tonight… tomorrow. So very soon. For me. Enjoy!


	2. chapter one: Emergency Room

**Yeah, ****still ****awake. Time started= 2-ish (yesterday… o_O) Time Ended: i… have no clue. Maybe 12:33 am?**

**A/N: reference to God/higher spiritual being/religion in this chapter. And jealously. Just the start people… the juicy stuff comes after this.**

**Well, on that lovely note, Enjoy.**

Chapter One.

**Emergency Room.**

I sighed.

Of all of the annoyingly human habits there were, I had adopted the one that bothered me most.

And mocked me. There was no hiding from the dismal effects of my habits, they were unavoidable.

Leaning against the cherry wood of my desk, I lowered my head into my hands and let my mind go as blank as I dared. What was there to hide from? To run or to lurk in the shadows of?

Myself.

I went by many names.

I was a husband to my wife, a father to my adopted sons and daughters, and a mentor to my interns. To most I knew, I was the Doctor extraordinaire of the Cullen family.

But on the inside, it always stayed the same. I was no more than a monster, only something used to terrify children into behaving correctly and not breaking any conduct or rules.

What was I really? Was I a man? Protected by God's grace?

I knew that just being granted this existence was a free pass to Hell.

But was it?

I had found solace in my religion many times. In times of doubt, good grace and of passing moments.

But it was in a time of such that I began to let my faith slip through my fingers. For in the unimaginable capacity of my mind, I wonder of what is and isn't.

But of its usual annoyance, I was interrupted. And by no other than my… least favorite intern yet.

Jessica.

Was it possible for her to be accepted to the hospital for internship?

But as this was Forks, any help was readily accepted.

I heard the sound of her hooker heels (there was no other name for them) clicking down the hallway as she neared my office. I ran my fingers through my hair, knowing it was already perfect, in vain attempt to look more presentable. I wondered idly if it was plausible for myself to end the incessant works of young adults of the town.

She breathed in deeply before raising her hand slowly to knock on my office door.

_I know you're there Jessica. Just knock please. End my self-induced misery._

If there was only one thing that interns were good for, it was saving me from my personal Hell.

Her hand tapped the glass twice in an attempt to grab my attention.

"Dr. Cullen?" I heard her nasally voice call out from the other side of the door. Was it wrong to compare it to nails on a chalkboard?

I cringed slightly as the sound echoed in my sensitive ear canals. I doubted that it was that loud and painful to humans, or they would have bound and gagged her by now.

"Come in Jessica." I answered plainly. Anymore added to that would have been encouragement for her. And that alone is more than enough.

"Dr. Cullen," she purred as she opened the door, "you're needed in the emergency ward… immediately."

I stopped myself from cringing from the tone of her voice. Just the tone of her voice made my ears prick at the sound.

"Thank you, I'll be on my way." I said simply as I stood up and began my way around my desk to the door.

I felt her eyes bore into me as I walked down the hallway in a perfectly straight line. I subconsciously smelled the air as I walked to the emergency ward, as to gather an assessment of what I was to expect there. But the thing that I expected the least was there.

Edward.

_What happened?_

My thoughts began to blend into one as I imagined the obscene scenarios playing in my head. Was anyone dead? Any survivors? What?

As I made the sharp turn around the corridor to the ER, I saw him. He was devastated. Crushed. Broken.

Not physically, but the dead look in his eye told me something went horribly wrong.

_Edward?_ I called out, not completely sure of what to say. What had happened?

_What happened?_

I gave him a slight quizzical look when his eyes met mine finally. He appeared as if he were to be confessing to a crime instead of waiting for me. But any member of my family at the hospital means bad news.

But in Edward's place, a triage nurse answered for me.

"Dr. Cullen, the students' have just arrived via ambulance, and one has sustained a certain head injury while the other a more serious injury."

What happened to cause more than one student to be injured?

"What happened?" I asked as I moved to the clipboard of the first patient. A boy. Tyler Crowley.

"There was a car accident in the parking lot and one of the students was in the car while the other sustained a head injury while moving out of the way." My head swam slightly at that description. What had happened to equate Edward into this?

I stitched and wrapped up Tyler Crowley, wondering idly about the other patient and Edward. How had any of my family manage to get into this mess?

After he was finished with, I gathered my materials to survey the next patient as I stood up.

"Have a nice day Mr. Crowley," I said politely before turning away, seeing Jessica flirting with him. Was there no one that could escape her radar?

I exited the patient's room to the hallway, seeing Edward pacing back and forth slowly in front of my next patient's room.

_Edward?_ I called out to him. He looked up at me, pleading softly with his eyes. Why was he pleading or asking? He appeared mournful when I looked at him and his eyes met mine.

"Carlisle I…. I didn't mean to… I had to…" He gasped aloud suddenly. I knew that I was the only person that actually heard him say that, but it still surprised me.

What did he mean?

"Edward, what do you mean?" I asked quickly and lowly so human ears couldn't pick up the frequency of my tone.

I walked in to the room that was marked as Edward followed behind me to the door. Did he care for this person? I smelled the air unconsciously and recognized the scent to be… floral. A woman definitely. Like newly planted freesia and rose outside. Just being here felt like a breath of fresh air to me. I felt surprised by this. Nothing had caught my attention since Esme. And it was… nice.

I heard her slightly shallow breaths as approached the inside of the room.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, and I'll be your doctor for today." And then I looked up.

And my world froze.

The ice that ran through my veins warmed over and I felt a strange tingle in my fingertips, like they were willing me to reach out. But I denied the tingle as my mouth opened slightly. My body was not my own. I had lost all control over it.

"I'm Bella. Bella Swan." She said without looking up. Her head hung slightly so her hair covered part of her face. I was more than glad to see that she didn't notice my reaction to just looking at her.

I blinked a few times before moving again. _Why was I this way?_

I had no clue as to why my reaction happened the way it did. For it made no sense. I obviously was just fascinated by the girl's unusually refreshing scent. I willed my feet to continue forward as I felt Edward's eyes bore into me. Why was I acting this way? In here? At work?

"Hello Ms. Swan. So what brings you here today?" I asked simply. Following standard procedure sounded perfect right now. Because I knew that if I put any thought into my word choice, I wouldn't like what came out.

"The car accident at the school." She said simply. It was obvious that she didn't like being here, from shifting in her seat continuously and not meeting my eyes when she spoke. I felt slightly ashamed at this… but I couldn't place why. Was it me she didn't like? She didn't even know me; she couldn't have placed judgment on me already had she?

"So where were you in this whole ordeal?" I asked her, taking notes on my clipboard.

"I _would_ have been dead," she paused for effect, and I'd been damned if I denied that my head snapped up to look at her figure, "if _Edward_ hadn't pulled me out of the way." She said menacingly, her head finally looking up to glare at my son in the doorway. I heard him sigh slightly and I then wondered just what had happened at this accident.

"Did you hit your head?" I asked her nonchalantly, trying not to sound hopeful. It already sounded like she didn't believe whatever lie Edward had told her. That couldn't be good news. Edward was good at convincing people, better than everyone else in our family based on his mental abilities.

She merely nodded in reply to my question before ducking her head again. Why was she so shy or reclusive? I should have been happy at this, compared to most of my female patients, who were more or less the opposite.

I put down my clipboard as I took carefully calculated steps to her.

"I'm going to probe your head for any severe injuries." I said simply, letting her know of my upcoming actions.

Once again she nodded in reply, but didn't speak. I felt that I caused her shy and reclusive manner. And that bothered me more than I could express in words alone.

I let my hands weave their way through her hair slightly as I used my fingertips to feel along the surface of her skull.

My fingers tingled at the sensation, reveling in the warmth radiating from her head. My eyes fluttered slightly but I let no other reaction occur at the feeling. I felt a slight irregularity on top of her skull. It was obvious that no further was sustained but a bruise on the back of her head. This would make the cover story harder to obtain, if she had true recollection of what had transpired.

I sighed in longing and defeat as I removed my hands from her head.

"It doesn't look like you have any serious injuries Ms. Swan, but you're free to go back home when you please." I said simply. There was a strange pang in my chest when I said that aloud. I set it aside for the time being, there were more important things to be discussed at the moment.

But she did the most peculiar thing then,

"Can I go back to school?" she asked pleadingly. My eyebrows shot up at her question. Why did she want to go home? Didn't all children like missing school?

"I'm sorry, I was under the impression that most people your age liked missing school." I said with a bit of a smirk on my face as I asked her, gathering my clipboard and supplies. When I said this, I smelled her blush permeating the room. My nose flared slightly and involuntarily at her reaction.

"I-I just don't want everything to be a spectacle, I mean, accidents happen, right?" She stumbled out before blushing deeper. I felt the air become thicker with the scent of freesia and rose and my head swam slightly at it.

I heard a silent rumble fill the air. It was nearly silent, but to my ears, I knew that Edward was growling.

"Of course. Have a nice day Miss Swan." I said as detached as I could manage. The energy that flowed through me from her fell as I bid her good bye.

I felt slightly drained as I walked from the ambrosia room to the hallway to talk with Edward.

"Edward, answer me now, please. How are you involved in this?" I asked as calmly as I could manage at the moment.

He looked up at me slowly before starting.

"Carlisle, I couldn't just… let it happen if, if… if her blood had been spilled when I was so close…" he drifted off mid-thought before closing his eyes and shuddering. Edward had not need to finish his thought; I pictured it perfectly in my mind without reference to exactly what could have happened. From what Edward had said of the girl, prior to his leave to Alaska, things would have ended _very_ badly.

"I… I understand Edward, but it was very irresponsible of you to act so… so… young. It's so unlike you to act in the moment." I said simply. I wouldn't deny the fact that I was somewhat… elated inside of the outcome of his decisions.

I heard Bella's muted footsteps come out of her room are I turned my head slightly to view her walking towards us. I felt the beginnings of a pang in my chest when I saw her eyes dart to Edward instead of myself. I felt more selfish than I had around anyone in my entire existence. Edward's eyes darted between myself and Bella, obviously recognizing the track of my thoughts. I felt ashamed suddenly, thinking quickly of Esme and my family, but surprisingly found it easily to push those thoughts away. Edward gave me a slight quizzical look when I let my mind go blank and thought quickly of my most recent update on my medical journals from the hospital.

"Edward?" I heard Bella call out. The same, strange, pain fired through my chest as I felt jealousy in its simplest form build up. I couldn't make sense of the simple feelings coursing through me. I knew them only to be instinctual, for I didn't feel any control over them, but I couldn't explain why they were there to begin with.

"We need to talk." Her eyes drifted over to me before snapping back to Edward with a hint of menace in them. I felt the remaining heat of her gaze from the tenth of the second that her eyes met mine once again.

Edward merely nodded and I noticed his posture change slightly as he walked away from me. His face hardened, his shoulders squared and his stance became nearly overly demeaning to most others in the room.

I sighed in dismay as I watched the both of them walk away, an image I couldn't erase from my mind easily. I turned my back on them and walked to my office then, not wanting to listen in on their conversation, as many would have.

When I reached my office, I thought of something devious, sinful and just wrong. But tempting. Surely looking through previous files on a patient was nothing wrong, was it? But I knew better. My feelings weren't able to be classified as platonic. I wished that I could just forget my afternoon, but I doubted it was possible with my near infallible memory, replaying my emotions paired with her actions and reactions.

And I spent the rest of my day much the same, as it was since I'd returned to my office.

But something was not the same inside, something had changed. I felt like there was a speck of a missing piece longing to belong. But to be possible? Plausible?

It was not.

My hands rubbed over my never-tiring eyes as my mind grew weary of my internal battle. The uncomfortable pressure on my chest felt like a dead weight I couldn't lift. I knew the idea of what I compared it to was impossible, but it was true. Like weight I couldn't lift.

Or most likely, a new feeling I couldn't name.

And on that last thought, I checked my watch and headed back home.

**A/N: So, like it? Please review! And anyone that's interested I'm soon (hopefully) putting up a one-shot that was SUPPOSED to be for x-mas. It's a J/B, a "prize" for a contest I held a while back, won by PrincessMishawaka, and I'm hoping that it gets up soon! R&R! :)**


	3. chapter two: The Hunt

**Chapter Two… The Hunt**

**A/N: tried to get this one out sooner than later, but my hands only allow so much! This is a bit OOC and slightly exaggerated but…**

**Oh! Okay, forgot my disclaimer!**

_**This isn't twilight. Or written by Stephenie Meyer. But if anyone's interested, this girl, CCisgod, is currently writing it! Meant for entertainment, reading, and overall non-canon purposes and anything other than being published, this was written. I do not in any way, shape or form show a religious way or life, but my personal opinions may or may not be in the story.**_

**And on a side note, reviews sound like… well, kinda like a cool body to snuggle up with on a hot summer day. Comforting. And overtly sexy.**

**Oh and a bit of subliminal messaging in this part… I didn't want to really include it, but it worked its way in there when I was researching the area northern Forks.**

**On that more than usually awkward note, Enjoy!**

Happy 2011 Everybody!

And I re-posted this for a grammatical error (only from my personal godsend, **Simaril** so, personal shout-out, thank you!). And I should be putting up the next chapter… soon.

Chapter two.

My plans had gone astray when I drove home. My original intentions of seeking out my family to speak, consult and reason with them were not followed through with as result to a call from Alice.

"Carlisle?" I heard her name call out through my newly acquired cell phone.

"Yes?" I replied instantly. The tone her voice held was urgent and reminded me of when she had told us of the newest generation of Quileute Wolves. It wasn't frightened, but unsure and wary.

"You should hunt, it would be… better." She said knowingly. I had a feeling of want to question her on why, but I had since learned better than to question Alice.

"Before I get home?" I asked her, not sure what she meant just by me needing to hunt.

"Yes. Go now," She said shortly before continuing; "we'll see you later." She finished before ending the call.

I stared at my phone absent-mindedly for a few, long seconds before shaking my head slowly and putting my phone in my pocket. I wondered where the best hunting spot would be, or more so, best place to think things through. Alice had called for a reason, maybe even a warning. Was it her place to do so?

I was angered at myself for thinking maliciously of Alice; I knew that she only did so for the benefit of our family.

Esme.

A pang shot through me when I thought of my feelings only hours earlier, of a seventeen year old that I had only met one time, for a very short time of that.

When had I become thoughtless and careless to our life and love? Our marriage of nearly 90 years had felt meaningless to the few minutes that I had spent with Isabella. And for that, I felt cold.

I looked to the A/C in the car for my answer but reprimanded myself of my stupidity. The cold was of heart, not of body.

And I asked myself the unanswerable, why?

But I still wondered and searched my mind as my pensive drive upstate continued. After a few hours of my continuous drive, I decided to let the car off on the side of the road to run the rest of the way. I knew that my running was faster than even my Mercedes would go, without "putting up a fight".

I kept running and let my legs take longer strides until I felt like I was off the ground more than my feet hit it.

A smug smile graced my face, as I felt lighter than a bird, more graceful than a ballerina, and faster than any animal alive.

The whipped blew my hair back and left me feeling exhilarated and calmed. I had no doubt that this run had something to do with it. I would make sure to thank Alice when I got the chance; her advice seemed to be better than my own at times.

My eyes snapped open when I reached my desired destination. This was a place one could never forget.

I hadn't visited in awhile, as the closer places to hunt were more convenient

The mercury levels had risen in the area to dangerous levels over the years, but the area was scenic as it was nearly a century ago. I wouldn't consider myself an ecologist or environmentalist, but I did have a consideration for wildlife and a certain amount of sustainability for our planet. I looked down at the ground to see the difference in soil and watercolor. The landscape had changed, along with its residents and wildlife, but being here brought me on a trip down memory lane.

I felt lighter spirited as I walked near to the edge of the seemingly never-ending lake. To human eyes, the edges were almost impossible to make out the other side, especially on a day such as today. But to me, as any other day or night, it was as clear as day.

I sighed as I reluctantly walked away from its edge, knowing it was due time for a hunt.

The rest of my hunt went simply and I had taken down two bucks. I knew that my hunger was sated, and would stay as such for some time. I was more leisurely in my return to my car, but I let my mind drift back to the painful subject of my newest problem in our already hectic lives.

So what was best? To tell, admit to my family of my recent thoughts? Or as they say, let it be? I breathed in deeply as the fresh air filled my stilled lungs.

It felt like a new day, a chapter opening in my life. And it felt comforting, the thing I knew I could always count on, the changing of human and natural ways.

The car ride was much the same as my run, but the over all aura of it felt constricting, especially compared from the freedom of running. I guessed that from my natural, more animalistic side, I didn't like the feeling of being caged. The difference between my everyday life to the short hunting trips that was on average, every two weeks. It felt like I was going against my inner being to continue along in the rut that I had created for my family. The sudden desire to live and be as free as I dared shot through like a bullet through my chest and my eyes widened. I had never the desire to be so… spontaneous.

It felt great.

I blinked a few times before I noticed the speed of my car increase with my excitement. Why hadn't I been paying my usual attention? It was more or less of a trademark for all vampires to be so subconsciously aware of the more mundane tasks at hand that made us appear human. But I felt my usual awareness slip slowly as the more spontaneous side of me made an appearance.

Years of repression had led to this. Years of continual pressure to be the fitting man in every way possible were strained. Like the snapping of a rubber band, I felt my control slip slowly as I felt the need to feel animalistic.

Vampiric.

My eyes stayed fully open now as they darted quickly around my vehicle and my surroundings. I slowed down and pulled over, not wanting to have to explain why I survived an accident without a scratch and my car had become a ball of metal with a dent of my form in it.

I got out of the car, eager for fresh air. The unnatural precision of my senses felt accented, brought to the very front of my mind, just as everything else had. But the only thing that had started all of my most recent thoughts stood out the furthest.

Isabella.

I still couldn't fathom why her named appealed to me the way it did, nor why I liked the thought of her turning eighteen… sooner than later.

Emotions, ideas and Isabella raced through my mind at inhuman speeds. I thought quickly of my best solutions to when my days grew tough or long and stress filled. My medical books would not sate my hunger. I knew of nothing plausible would, and I had no doubt in my eager mind that I was not the same I had been just hours earlier in the day. It wasn't a snapping feeling, but a bit of a growing or something near unexplainable.

I lifted my hand to my face to feel my lips curved in to what seemed to be quickly becoming a permanent smile. It felt unnatural to be smiling like this, since I wasn't elated or exuberant.

My face was sculpted, much like the marble it felt like, into an emotion I didn't have a named for. The confusion in my mind was becoming overpowering.

In all of my years, emotions never seemed as overpowering since I had been a newborn. I rubbed over my mouth and face in steady determination to leave on a less psychotic look on my face. Without peeking into the mirror, I knew that it didn't look to be that of sane. I then asked myself the same question I had for so many reasons, and more so than usually lately. Why?

I attempted to let my mind go blank, but my attentive nature made for a difficult time. And despite my best efforts, my mind fluttered back to the one girl that had quickly made this day unforgettable.

Isabella Marie Swan.

And just by the thought of her name, I was in my car, on my way home.

**A/N: Well, this took a bit of a turn in this chapter… and I'm not quite sure what to think of it. I'm warning you all, I might just do something I've never done to this chapter. (dramatic pause)**

**Re-post. Or… again. But I'm writing the next chapter now, so I think I'll just let this one be.**

**Read And Review, Per favore!**


	4. chapter three: Simplicity

**Chapter Three… Simplicity**

**A/N: Yes! I'm especially proud that I got out another chapter this fast! This is… probably a new record for me.**

**& this is the re-post. Quickly. (I fixed it! Ha ha!)**

**I send out my gratitude to PrincessMishawaka for pointing out my wording error!**

**Disclaimer:**

_**This isn't twilight. Or written by Stephenie Meyer. But if anyone's interested, this girl, CCisgod, is currently writing it! Meant for entertainment, reading, and overall non-canon purposes and anything other than being published, this was written. I do not in any way, shape or form show a religious way or life, but my personal opinions may or may not be in the story. This is a non-profit organization.**_

**So on that note, Enjoy!**

Pulling into the driveway, I felt slightly anxious about approaching anyone about the matter. I wondered idly if Alice knew about this… and to what extent.

I quickly stopped my thoughts in their tracks, suddenly aware that it would be of no use if I was blocking Edward out only now. His gift made it impossible to keep thoughts to oneself if you were within a few miles range.

I groaned softly, remembering the way he looked at her, a struggle between a leer and a loving look, confusing all the same. How was I suddenly included in this baffled me.

My instincts kicked in and I sniffed the air as a reaction to my thoughts' trail. I counted three altogether. Vampire.

Where was the rest of the family? In one spectrum, I was beyond delighted as my car sped up slightly along the long driveway, whilst another part of me wondered about the whereabouts of those I had grown to care and love.

I struggled to control my thoughts, before realizing who was currently in the house. Every vampire and human alike had a scent about them, good or bad, which distinguished them from any other being on the planet. And three of my children's stood out the most. Alice. Jasper. Emmet.

I wasn't sure if the names of my children comforted me or worried me. I was somewhat sadistically glad that Edward was not about, as the same for Esme. The guilt of not missing my wife for when I returned back home was less than I had expected it to be. I knew what I was feeling was certainly wrong, but it didn't deter my sense in the slightest.

My car slowed down reflexively to my actions of pressing the brake to stop in front of the massive six-car garage that was a newer addition to our house here, or plainly, from Rosalie's demands.

The large door opened at the press of the button and I slowly drove the car into my desired space. With a heaving sigh, I closed the door and walked into the house, unsure of what I would be walking into at the moment.

I walked up the steps and opened the door to my home, hoping for the best and expecting the worst. The atmosphere was tense, which I could easily tell, but all was quiet throughout the house. I breathed in slowly as I took a few steps forward and closed the door behind me. My eyes searched the room for any of my family, wondering in the back of my mind where they were. My heightened senses told me that Alice and Jasper were in the kitchen, and Emmet was upstairs… in the gaming room.

If I had still been human, I knew that I would have had sweaty palms and had enough dignity to look like an ashamed schoolboy. But being a vampire, I did my best to keep my emotions in check enough to the point that I would seem normal to the naked human eye. My family knew better.

"Hey Carlisle." I heard Alice call from the kitchen. I hung up my slightly dirtied jacket and immediately realized there was no hope for it. I knew that both Alice and Rosalie would not have the reusing of dirty clothes.

I sighed softly as I quickly made my way in to the oversized kitchen where Alice and Jasper sat awaiting my arrival.

"Hello, Jasper, Alice." I nodded my head in both of their directions, acknowledging their presence.

"Carlisle, we have to talk." Jasper said, cutting straight to the point, the usual Jasper we all knew.

I straightened my posture out of pure reflex of feeling to be the inadequate party of the room, another very human reaction, and one that I didn't use very much. Being a vampire, it was a normal reaction to feel the overall atmosphere in the room, or more often then not, the area.

"I agree." I said simply, nodding my head in acknowledgement. My eyes drifted slightly as I wondered of the dull ache in my chest, as it had made another appearance when I thought of what may come of our discussion.

"Carlisle, it's about your newest love interest." Jasper said with a smirk and I sat down at the counter, feeling more like a punished child rather than the leader of the coven I was.

"It's not love." I said simply, making a shoddy attempt at making a statement.

"You're right," Jasper said before continuing, "it's not love. It's more. You've a mate now Carlisle, much more than you could have said before."

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head as I head him speak those simple words. Physically impossible as it may seem, it felt that way. In any other order, would have been a different story. Did I hear him correctly?

"Come again?" I asked disbelievingly

Jasper sighed and looked at me with an exasperated expression on his face.

"Carlisle, you've met your mate. Bella Swan is your mate."

**A/N: it's short. It's the shortest I've written. But I've nothing else to say in this chapter. But I hope your enjoyed the tidbit of writing!**

**R&R, all of the cool kids do it.**


	5. chapter four: Contemplation

**Chapter Four: Contemplation**

**Disclaimer:**

_**This isn't twilight. Or written by Stephenie Meyer. But if anyone's interested, this girl, CCisgod, is currently writing it! Meant for entertainment, reading, and overall non-canon purposes and anything other than being published, this was written. I do not in any way, shape or form show a religious way or life, but my personal opinions may or may not be in the story. This is a non-profit organization.**_

**ENJOY!**

I think I listened to about my entire playlist trying to find my muse again. It ran away, leaving no trails behind for me to follow. So, please my dear readers, I would find it exceptionally pleasing if you feel the need to list your comments, suggestions and feelings in the review section… just put what you feel! Really! I won't be offended, I swear it so.

I stayed holed up in my office all night after what Jasper explained to me, contemplating. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea… it seemed too surreal. Until I had met Esme, I had been a loner, an outcast if you will. Esme had always been the one to light the tunnel at my darkest times, comforting and consoling me. And it had been vice versa, because I knew that Esme had lost so much just by joining this family, her humanity, her child, and all that she stood for seemed to be just a few minor things that she held inside. And it was simple things, like when she would stare at the stores in the mall dedicated to maternity or infants that I would see the emotion brewing in her eyes.

There were even times in the past when a commercial had come on, for something like Gerber baby food and I could see the moisture building in her eyes.

But it was now that she came in to speak to me, a very early 4 in the morning. To our household, time held little importance, but we still respected our privacy of one another to a degree, trying our best to go to our respective quarters after a certain time.

Edward hadn't returned last night, much to my surprise. Though, I couldn't bring myself to feel unhappy about it. I had a security in my thoughts, knowing that he couldn't hear me.

"Carlisle?" I heard her voice call from outside of my office door. A wave of guilt passed through me quickly as I thought of who stood outside my door.

"Come in Esme." I said simply. I sank further into my leather office chair, feeling the pressure fall heavily on to my shoulders.

The door opened slowly, squeaking softly as I saw Esme's heart-shaped face poke out from behind the barrier. My lips pursed slightly as I waited for her to enter. I didn't really know what to say, and I felt exceptionally put on the spot when she walked in. Esme was my rock for so long. She let me lean on her when things got tough, like when Edward had left our family. I felt tied to her in more ways than one.

And as if any marriage wasn't binding, we had been together for over 90 years.

She looked slightly uncomfortable when our eyes met, and I felt horrible for putting her in this situation. None of this was of her doing but it still affected her greatly.

She bit her lip slightly, and even though I had no powers like Jasper, I could sense the awkward atmosphere in my office.

"Esme, I…" I began but I couldn't finish. I didn't know what to say, honestly.

"Jasper told me… everything. It's not your fault, Carlisle." She said, much to my surprise. And even though her voice showed her pain, I heard the sincerity clearly. Her eyes were downcast now, as if waiting my rejection of her tolerance and words.

I put my face in my hands, not understanding how I could be so clearly in the wrong and yet everyone in my family seemed to be so understanding.

I stood up then and walked over to her, needing to face her honestly. Even now, when I stood so away from her, Esme was the only one that I could speak to openly about anything and everything. It was beyond selfish of me that I still sought out comfort and understanding from her.

I put my hands on her shoulders before I spoke, her eyes finally looking up at me.

"How can you be so understanding about this? I might as well have cheated on you for all that could have happened today." I said sarcastically to her, feeling completely bewildered by her unchanging personality.

Esme smiled a small smile, but not even that could change anything now.

"Carlisle, I've known you for well over ninety years. You would never hurt as much as a fly if given the option, and that's something that hasn't changed about you, and nothing could ever change that about you." She said, sighing at the end. My eyebrows had shot up, near reaching my hairline.

"Do you think so highly of me now?" I asked her quickly, my tone and volume of voice raising slightly.

"When you drift away slowly, think less of me and more of your mate, I'll still know you Carlisle. Just as if I were to meet my mate, I know that your compassion would never dissolve." She said softly, causing a pang of sadness in my chest. When I had first met Esme, I had just assumed we had been mated, not knowing the feeling of having a mate. She had been my first, for everything.

I felt defeated by what she said. While I knew she was honest about what she said, it didn't sound like me she was talking about. Esme was someone just too kind-hearted and forgiving. And I felt even more selfish for everything that was happening.

"Esme, what should I do?" My tone had softened when I spoke this time, feeling guilty for taking my lack of understanding out on her. I sighed softly. I couldn't blame anyone for what was happening and Esme was giving me the benefit of the doubt.

"I'm so… confused. I don't know what to do." I admitted to her, letting my hands drop from holding her shoulders. Esme had that way about her, where you felt like you could confide in her your deepest secrets, without being judged for it.

"Carlisle, do what feels right. You'll know what to do when the time comes." She said cryptically, causing me to raise my eyebrows again.

She smiled at me before snickering softly, leaving me feeling like I had been left out of some inside joke.

"Alice told me to say that." She said, still smiling.

"But I meant what I said Carlisle… and you know that betting against Alice is a bad idea." She spoke before walking to my door and turning around while her hand was on the handle.

"And one more thing Carlisle… make sure you wear a blue shirt today, Alice's orders." She said without looking back at me and exiting my office, leaving me feeling even more confused than I had been earlier.

Pulling in to the small parking lot of Forks Community Hospital, I felt much lighter than I had earlier. Esme, though leaving me confused, had left me higher spirits.

I pulled into a space, nearing the farthest from the hospital entrance, knowing that I hadn't a need one that was closer. There were people at the hospital that needed it, and it was yet another advantage of being young, agile and a vampire.

I had worn a light blue shirt as to appease Alice, knowing I would hear her wrath in not following her more or less specified orders.

I got out of my car immediately, wondering idly about what the day held in store for me today.

But even as hours to pass by, nothing happened. And on the rare occasions I was busy doing something for a patient, I tried to put all of my focus on them. I usually found my patients easy to focus on, to give all of my attention and care to, but I was letting my emotions get to me, fast.

It was nearing early afternoon and when I thought that my day would drag on for the rest of eternity, I received a call from Edward.

Now, it was most days that I would be excessively worried about him, thinking about what the consequences of a mere call could be.

I answered my cell phone reluctantly, leaning back into my chair, feeling like I had been in this situation more than once.

"Edward?" I said his name like a question, waiting for his reply on why he called during the school day.

"Carlisle," he sighed, sounding somewhat relieved, "I know I'm asking a lot, but can you please pick me up from school? It's… a bit difficult to explain over the phone." He said.

I pursed my lips together, contemplating. Edward sounded sincere about his request, and I couldn't deny my oldest son.

"Of course Edward, but may I ask why you can't take your car?" I asked with a raised eyebrow, despite that he couldn't see my reaction.

"Well, Alice was very adamant about us all taking Rosalie's car today. And I… with my uh… latest absences can't just leave the school building by just requesting to leave." He said, sounding extremely embarrassed.

"I'll be there in a few minutes Edward." I bid him goodbye after that, already on my way to let the triage nurse know that I would be out for the rest of the day. I had a feeling that Edward and I would have to talk after just picking him up from school.

I arrived at the school in about 10 minutes after getting off the phone with Edward. It wasn't a long drive from the hospital to the school; it seemed that everything in Forks was in one spot, or in other words, off the highway. After arriving, I walked straight into the nurses' office, assuming that Edward would be there, and smelling him shortly after. It was a small school, something no one would dispute, and since it was broken off into small sections, it made it easy to navigate through.

"We should leave." I stated obviously when I saw Edward. He looked as if he were putting a dent in the arm of the chair, especially how he was holding it.

The nurse looked up at me in surprise and pursed her lips slightly.

"I'm here to sign Edward out." I stated simply, harvesting no patience at the time.

"You're Edward's father then? Dr. Carlisle?" She asked, sounding slightly surprised. I couldn't imagine why though, I had been here to pick up a child of mine before, and Edward and I shared the same last name.

"Yes." I said simply, not really knowing what to say next.

She handed me a slip of paper to sign before bidding us a good day.

Edward was silent as we walked to the car, not bothering to as much as look up at me. I sighed when we reached my car, wondering how the day would end.

But as I opened the door to the car, my nose caught scent of something I would recognize anywhere.

Bella.

I stilled as my eyes searched for her, trying my best to keep my thoughts low as I could manage. It had only been a day and I was already seeking her out again, despite being right next to Edward.

I could almost feel Edward tense up when the scent hit his nose, and I gathered that this was a contributing factor to him wanting to leave early.

I sat down, closing the car door reluctantly behind me, only dulling the perfumed scent of Bella Swan.

"Edward, is Bella the reason you wanted me to pick you up today?" I asked delicately. A part of me felt bad for being so blunt by asking, but I was almost positive of his answer.

"Yes." He said in a growl.

"Why were you thinking of her?" he asked abruptly, his words sounding more like a growl, catching me off guard. I suddenly wondered just how far off Edward had been last night when I thought I had my privacy.

"Excuse me?" I said with a raised brow, trying to hide the fact that I was embarrassed of being caught.

"Why were thinking of her now? Just before you sat down."

I almost sighed in relief, knowing now that my cover hadn't been blown.

"I had smelled her and wondered if she had been the cause of your abrupt absence from school." I said simply, somehow managing to sound calm and reasonable.

Edward frowned but said nothing. I turned on the car then and pulled it out of school parking lot, heading home for the evening.

I would need to reign in my thoughts more often than not. I couldn't let myself slip up when I was around Edward, I could already tell that he was suspicious of my nonchalant attitude.

And despite how quiet I would try to be, nothing could stop me from wanting to see her again.

A/N: Okay then! Personally, I dislike Esme. And I'm sorry if I'm offending any Esme fans, but it's just so many factors that make me want to slap and tell her to try to get some kind of control… but I couldn't see her acting hateful towards him, I really couldn't.

* sigh *

well, like it says at the top, (and I quote)

"I think I listened to about my entire playlist trying to find my muse again. It ran away, leaving no trails behind for me to follow. So, please my dear readers, I would find it exceptionally pleasing if you feel the need to list your comments, suggestions and feelings in the review section… just put what you feel! Really! I won't be offended, I swear it so."

… so please, for my sake… or for your own… do the right thing ;)


	6. chapter five: Passerby

Endless Night

Simple disclaimer.

I own **nothing**.

Chapter five: Passerby

I filled out my paperwork to keep from pacing in my office. It had been merely a week since I had last seen Bella, yet another visit to the hospital. She had received a contusion on her index finger from playing badminton at school.

And I thought I had seen it all.

She was shy, just as I had remembered, but my forced smile and false ignorance put me at more than an arms distance from her. But even at a moment spared her way, I was a changed man, not myself when in her marvelous presence. I was a horrible person, for a reason more than one.

I wanted to give in to my desire- but was it worth another's misery? My son to suffer in place of my pleasing? I couldn't fathom it. It was wrong.

My many years of life told me so. I had witnessed lives taken for another's gratitude, for wealth, in the name of God, and for all the reasons people could fathom. From wars to politics, I tried in vain to push myself. I was raised by a man of the book, someone with morals and ethics (even if they weren't always in the right place); I could and would strive to be better. If it wasn't for myself, it was for the good of the people.

My pen scratched along the surface of the simple paper, signing my name here, reading carefully there. The day droned on, and my mind continued to wander. I was more than grateful to have the ability to focus on multiple tasks at once. But even as my hand continued to write and my mind function properly, there were instances all thoughts would go blank. My emotions took a sudden turn when I had met Bella, I felt as if I was and emotional wreck, ultimately unstable.

Her mere presence was my downfall, as it was my savior. She was the sun and the dark side of the moon. One girl was everything and nothing.

It was as if she knew how to captivate me exactly, keep me on the edge of my seat. I tried my best to not show my obvious interest, but at times I was far too distracted by her to focus.

_*Flashback*_

"_Doctor Carlisle Cullen to room 110, Doctor Carlisle Cullen to room 110 please." The head nurse's nasally voice called over the intercom to my office. I rose absentmindedly, feeling drained and lifeless. My movements were automatic and vampiric. I thought nothing of how I moved- to many, I would appear human. Nothing would appear out of sorts. _

_The sound of my office door closing brought me to think of what I would face. And then it hit me like a brick wall._

_Bella. She was in room 110. My next patient._

_I subconsciously sniffed the air for blood spilled, and more than glad to have not detected any. She was fragile, more than she realized at times._

_Being my second time with her, I was overjoyed at the thought, nearly skipping to the exam room as I moved along. My pace stepped up as I neared the room; a small, nearly undetectable smile began to form on my face._

_I felt my chest swell, butterflies swirled anxiously in my stomach. Did she feel it too? Could she? Or did only vampires react so strongly to a meeting? Was she hurt badly? Did she break any bones?_

_Too many questions formed in my head, my thoughts cut off abruptly by my notice of the examination room door. I put my hand on its handle apprehensively, willing myself to twist the knob and open the door._

_I kept my eyes to the floor as I entered, feeling shy and abashed like a schoolboy. I shuffled my feet absentmindedly after I reached the counter. Looking over to her, I saw her small smile. I wondered idly of its cause. A large part of me hoped it was from me. The smaller, intellectual part that shrunk around her presence told me otherwise._

"_You enjoy being here Bella?" I asked with a slight smirk. Her returning smile made my attempt at joking around well worthwhile._

"_Not particularly. You seem to be the only doctor here that cares more about his patients rather than his next paycheck." Her eyes were alight with amusement as I was sure mine reflected the same emotion._

_I grinned at her, pleased at the sight of her simple change of emotion._

_God forgive my desire. I wanted her smile and laughter more than was socially acceptable._

"_Now, what are we here for today?" I asked, turning to face her and leaning back against the counter. Much had passed since I had last seen her. She and Edward were developing a romance of sorts (if you could even call it that), no title for it as of yet. He had gone on an emergency hunt earlier and had yet to return._

_She held her hand up, grimacing once again as she did so, averting her eyes away quickly. I moved over silently, ghosting my hand over her own. The bruise was evident, and under closer inspection, the bruise seemed to go further than the skin._

"_How'd you manage this one?" I asked, concerned for her health and my curiosity peaking._

_I caught sight of her grimace deepening in my peripheral vision before her answer came aloud._

"_Badminton." Her voice clearly showing her distaste._

_I closed my eyes and shook my head at the idea. At the hospital for badminton… of all things! A backyard sport designed to be less dangerous._

"_It seems that only you would manage to achieve a contusion from playing badminton, Bella." But even my voice couldn't hold the smile fighting to escape. She narrowed her eyes playfully at me, taking the insult jokingly._

"_A contusion, Dr. Cullen? Is that what you've concluded as of yet?"_

_Her voice did frightening things to my body when she said my name, called me Doctor Cullen. Leaving out my first name was something treading on a fine line of question in relationship- from doctor to patient and friend-to-friend. She was innocent, pure, and witty. She was more than perfection in my eyes._

"_Are you countering my opinion as doctor, Miss Swan?" I asked, raising an eyebrow in return. I couldn't place anything. I was barely in control of my body- I was running on pure Bella when I was around her._

"_Of course not. Why would I do that?" I pursed my lips in amusement. She was too much for me; in the way she would play coy and avoid my direct questions._

_She was Bella Swan._

_I loved her more every day._

_*End Flashback*_

A sudden buzzing in my pocket brought my focus back to the present.

I blinked for a second before I grabbed the cause of the buzzing and answered.

"Hello?" I asked hesitantly, unsure if I really wanted to talk at the moment.

Since the fateful meeting of Bella Swan, I had been excruciatingly cautious about guarding my thoughts. I was anxious at first about Edward's reaction, wondering how he would feel if he knew how I felt about her.

He made things clear as day when he brought her home to meet the entire family for the first time. I relived moments every time I thought of it.

_*Flashback*_

"_Dad." My son's voice rang out clear through the small cell phone speaker._

"_Yes?" I answered, my voice questioning._

"_You remember a girl from the emergency ward… Bella Swan?" He asked hesitantly. My son had become reclusive these past decades. I smiled at his words, more than happy to see his shell be rid of slowly._

"_I recall." I stated simply. Giving more information would have been too much._

_He paused for a short minute, slowly getting the words out._

"_I want you to meet her." He paused then, thinking his words once again before continuing._

"_I really like her dad… she's something else, really." I could hear the smile in his voice._

_My heart crumbled. I couldn't do it._

_My son was too important to me to risk. A girl, a young girl of all people, wouldn't interfere with my relationship with him. I cared far too much for not only him, but also my family to even think about it anymore._

_But could I avoid it?_

"_That's wonderful Edward… when were you thinking?" I said, forcing the words out. The lies tasted bitter on my tongue for days. I would never be rid of the guilt, so I decided._

_*End Flashback*_

"Come home Carlisle. You've been running a shift much longer than necessary." Alice's voice tinkled across the phone. Even when she was worried, Alice kept her demeanor about her.

"Alice," I sighed slowly, thinking of an excuse to stay later than necessary. She was right. I had been here far too long.

"Don't even bother with me Carlisle. I know you've been sitting in your office filling out paperwork for hours rather than coming home like you should have." She said, her tone disapproving.

"Esme's worried about you." She added then. I frowned. I barely put a thought to Esme (or most of anyone but Bella lately) in the past few weeks. We rarely talked- but it was mostly cause of my sulking about the house.

Edward didn't bother returning home lately, even prior to bringing Bella home. I wondered idly how serious their relationship was. I shook that thought off quickly.

"Alice." I responded, my tone reprimanding. She knew of my predicament with Edward… The family knew.

All but he and Bella.

I felt guilty for perpetually lying to his face. Bella rarely gave me the time to lie to her- something I was glad for. Was it lying if I didn't answer?

"Just… come home. We're worried about you. We rarely see you around anymore, other than hold up in your study." She tsked. I knew she was right, but I would never admit it to her.

"Please, Carlisle?"

I sighed audibly.

"I'll be home soon." I answered begrudgingly before hanging up.

The drive home was long and uneventful. The night sky was dark and void of light from the moon or stars. When I walked in the house, I immediately noticed Bella and Edward's presence. Together.

I attempted to hide my distaste behind a tight smile, knowing that I had very well failed at doing so. Was my punishment so urgent, for a crime I've not commit? I caught sight of Jasper's ever knowing look out of the corner of my eye. But even standing here, I couldn't stand it.

Her warm smile. Her hand in his. His arm around her.

My own side felt cold and empty.

And so I ran and hid. Surrounded myself in my office, hiding my nose in my medical journals and texts I had reread time and time again. I could only distance myself so far away- the tugging at my heart was too great to ignore truly. Even the fireplace in my study couldn't warm the room like her smile. Was it just to follow my own heart?

It wasn't simple to explain my feelings. Her smile warmed me to my core, leaving me blissful and receiving odd looks from both Jasper and Edward.

From her light laugh to her embarrassed blush, I found everything about her absolutely enthralling. With my connections through the hospital, I researched her past files from Phoenix and Forks' earlier life. It was astounding, seeing her past in the files. At five years old, she had her first concussion from falling down a flight of stairs. At eight, a broken femur after falling off a ladder when helping her mother paint the house. Slicing open her hand months later in late March, cooking dinner for her mother and stepfather.

It seemed that Bella was an extremely clumsy girl- far more than accident prone, and far too frequent to brush off. She had been hurt in the past. But she held tight onto the bliss of childhood- a rarity was how her whole face lit up with a smile, the emotion reaching her soul. She was not a person to fake emotions frequently- you hadn't need for Jasper's power to know that.

There were times when she was sad. The days seemed darker and I hadn't a reason to move. If I moved I would have tried to be by her side. My study was fit for days like that.

I felt the near unbearable need to protect her, but I would never make a decision like that for her. She was a capable young woman, strong, obstinate and beautiful all the same- she was perfect. Any man would be truly daft to ignore her.

But I did anyway.

She walked into a room, calling out to me without a clue. But I was a weak man, and I could never stay away for too long. I would do as I did currently, run to my office, immerse myself in books and hide.

But the pull was burning, the sound of her laughter was sweeter than the most beautiful of music, and the simplicity of her near presence was strong, captivating me completely.

And so I ventured downstairs, awaiting both the joy and pain that came with being with her. It wasn't her completely that brought the pain, it was two simple factors. The knowledge of the distance I would always keep between us and Edward. My son, of all people, caused me the greatest pain I could imagine.

The distance I would keep, the damage of my soul that would suffer, and the torment I would face endlessly.

My own footfalls on the steps thudded, the sound resounding in my ears and bringing my mind back to the present.

She was in the kitchen with Esme and Emmet, helping to prepare dinner. I felt wave after wave of joy fill me as I realized the absence of my eldest son and companion.

His frequent leaves for hunting were starting to work greatly in my favor.

"Bella." I spoke as I nodded in her general direction, acknowledging her presence. This wasn't my office. There was no privacy from my family here, everyone was here but Edward.

"Carlisle!" She said my name, surprised, turning on heel to face me, smiling.

I smiled in return, my face morphing into an emotion that I couldn't help but rejoice in.

Maybe it wouldn't be so terrible after all. She was nearly eighteen now, only a few months away (mere seconds to my kind relatively).

Alice walked in then, making her presence known by prancing in. She danced across the house frequently, when the spirit called her. Nearly always.

She walked over to me then, whispering in my ear softly-

"Tell her."

A/N:

Gah! Sorry for the wait… I've no excuse other than my procrastination and lazy attitude. Hope you enjoyed the emotional rollercoaster that's Carlisle Cullen!


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